Ok I cannot wait any longer. Here is my review filled with spoilers. If you loved this movie and get hurt, feelings-wise, having someone disagree with you, do not read any further. No blind fanboys wanted here 🙂
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First let me say that after the abomination that was Man of Steel, a Superman movie for people who hate Superman (i.e. Lobo, Deadpool, Punisher fans), I had zero hope and expectations forBatman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. Especially with Snyder involved. I’m sad to say that even my zero expectations were not met, that’s how hard this movie sucked.
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First the biggest thing that was wrong with this movie. I’ve always said that Christopher Reeve was the greatest and most perfect live-action representation of a superhero EVER and I still believe that to this day. Physically perfect, and performed to perfection as well. Well if he was the most perfect live-action representation, Eisenberg might be the worst comic book adaptation EVER!!!!! Including bad fan films and Indian or Mexican film versions of American superheroes. He was so horrific, it was painful to watch. He was nothing at all like Lex Luthor and even if he was a different character, he was hideous. Just terrible.
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As for the rest, I feel bad for Cavill as once again, it’s NOT HIS FAULT! He looks good but is directed so poorly and with such a terrible script that he will be blamed unfairly. As for Affleck, a good director and writer, I’ve never been a fan of his acting. I always find him vacuous and wooden, emoting but not showing emotion. On a superficial level he looked good as Batman, finally someone tall who looks like he actually worked out in his life, but every thing he said rang false to me.
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Amy Adams who I adore as an actress in the right part, has no business playing Lois Lane. She would have been a terrific Lana Lang but is a simply awful Lois.
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As for the rest, they were ehhhh, negligible. “But wait, what about Gadot as Wonder Woman, everyone is raving about her”. Her scene did have a modicum of excitement but it’s because of how thee scene was written. Any similar looking female in that scene would have engendered the same excitement. But she wasn’t bad, though overrated.
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As for the movie itself, just like Man of Steel, it was dark, dreary, impossible to follow the action on screen, and completely joyless. More CGI porn, a phrase I borrow from Mark Waid. But here is the biggest crime of this pile of crap. IT WAS BORING!!!!! Halfway through I was tempted to leave, easily an hour too long or an hour spent in the wrong direction instead of actual character building moments. I thought there was a good chance I’d hate the movie but bored? Never saw that coming.
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As for the plot, completely moronic and here come some of the most inane plot points. The two main characters hate each other for very little logical reason for most of the movie until the big fight. Then for no good reason, Superman thinks he was wrong about this violent bat vigilante and needs him now to help, because Lex kidnapped his mom. So he is no longer a deranged psycho but a brilliant hero and detective because your mom was kidnapped? Quite the fucking leap but not nearly the leap that Batman makes when he realizes he was wrong about Superman because…………………drum roll please………………..this is not a joke……………..BECAUSE HIS MOTHER’S NAME IS THE SAME AS HIS OWN MOTHER’S NAME!!!!!!! That apparently was enough for him to stop believing Superman is a threat and needs to be killed, and is now an ally. Seriously. And that is just some of the most stupid plot elements in this film. Including how many times Batman should have dies from the impact of the fights, armor or not, and how Batman uses a gun repeatedly. or the unbelievable time-wasting idiotic dream sequences that served absolutely no purpose, and took time away from, how about, REAL CHARACTER STUFF? Or some quiet moments that served the movie better? naaahhhhh, lets throw in another stupid dream or CGI pile of garbage numbing to the senses scenes.
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“Finally how about something positive to say Allen?” The best thing about this movie is the fact that with so many bad reviews and reactions out there, maybe this film will fail so miserably that the Snyder DC universe can be buried once and for all and we reboot with a creative team that gets what makes these character special. Stop looking at Marvel and do whats right. “And what’s right Allen?” First, get creators with a vision who truly love these characters, not guys who don’t get Superman and want to make it palatable for them. Second, for Superman, don’t think his goodness is a hard sell, Captain America proves this wrong. He was old-fashioned, moral and pure of heart and no one complains about him and his movies made tons of dough. Third, don’t worry about making a Superman movie for people who love darker heroes, it’s a waste of time. They don’t get him, fuck em. Millions of others, will.
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And finally, remember what DC is, a universe of possibilities and fantasy. STOP trying to shoehorn realism into it and embrace the wonder. Less Daredevil Netflix (which I respect for what it is) and more Harry Potter or even Guardians, a fun romp.
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Thank you for your time. And thanks Dino Leto for having me because if it wasn’t a private screening, and I had to deal with crowds on top of this shitty movie, I may have gone to jail for murder.
Overall Grade: F
